


Bruise

by diaphanousTerror



Series: Homestuck WP Requests [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, For Some Warning, I Cannot Write Kankri Either, I Cannot Write Sollux Please Ignore It, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Meteorstuck, Minor Terezi Pyrope/Dave Strider, Out of Character, Retcon Timeline, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, This one's kinda dark, bare with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diaphanousTerror/pseuds/diaphanousTerror
Summary: Your name is Dave Strider and your soulmate is dead.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Gamzee Makara/Karkat Vantas (noncon)
Series: Homestuck WP Requests [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715815
Kudos: 75





	Bruise

Your name is Dave Strider and your soulmate is dead.

That's a given - soulmates manifested around the age of 10, as this big mystical unexplained thing that carried life. It was someone you were bound to forever - someone created to be the perfect match for you. For your instance, the perfect girlfriend and future wife who clicked with you so well that you'd fall in love instantly.

The first stage of having a soulmate is a marking that represents them burning into your left wrist - your bro had one, but whenever you'd asked to see it he'd backhand you, tell you not to ask questions, and walk the other way. You never did after that. You never had a reason to - you'd learned your lesson.

About three months into being ten, you'd felt a searing pain pierce your wrists in the middle of a strife. You'd been beat into the ground, so distracted by the concept that your _soulmate_ \- she was out there (somewhere) and finally, just finally she was connecting with you. You didn't even realize she'd probably feel in pain like you were until you were cradling a hurt arm and laughing to yourself as you fell back on your bed. 

You didn't even care about expressing yourself in that moment. Your bro could scold you about it later. You pulled back the sleeves of your shirt, ecstatic to finally see some evidence of how you'd meet her. Whoever she was - she was out there, and you knew it.

The telltale first sign of a soulmark was how you figured out your partner. Not how you met her, but how you came to the realization she was your soulmate. It was an odd thing to do, but it's not like you were complaining about it.

So when you pulled down the sleeve to reveal your left wrist, mottled with bruises that were _not_ from your bro, you almost vomited. They were dark and more red than most bruises you'd ever seen - they formed a symbol that almost looked like a diamond, horrendously enough, and in the middle there was a mark that looked like a fake cut, bleeding the brightest red you'd ever seen.

You'd felt a tinge of fear just by looking at it - John had messaged you maybe a month ago saying that his soulmark had been something beautiful and green, with flowers blossoming in a bright field, the picture painted by imaginary glitter pens that he'd never brought to his skin in the first place. He'd been so excited - the girls had never told you, but you assumed theirs were just as beautiful. 

That night you'd cried. You'd cried even when you told yourself you needed to stop. You were so, so lucky that your Bro was out at a club that night, or you would've been beat to a pulp for all of the vulnerability. It could've been anything, and your soulmark had confirmed it - you'd meet by tragedy.

Little did you know what that entailed.

You'd continued on with your life more sluggishly since then. The other three had laughed and asked about your mark over Pesterchum, and you'd never found the strength to respond. You'd just said nothing about it, changing the topic with an unrelated ramble that'd usually make them forget very quick. Rose had picked up on your nervousness about it, as she always did - but she had some respect for your privacy, so she'd said nothing.

There was a point where you wondered if your soulmate was dead, and the mark was just there completely to mock you. You'd never felt pain from her in your life before, and nobody walked through life so lightly that they never suffered pain and tragedy. You were kicked and slashed until you bled almost daily, and she'd never even made an effort to ask why, by clawing it into her skin, or trying to communicate with you.

So you forgot. You moved on with your life. You'd never fall in love, your soulmate was dead, and you were completely fine with coming to terms with it. Sometimes at night, when you knew Bro was asleep, you'd stared at the marks and bruises, creating a bump in your wrist, suspiciously in the shape of a diamond, and wondered what it'd meant.

Then came about a month before SBURB, when a sharp, stabbing pain had erupted in your abdomen.

You'd involuntarily screamed. You'd fought back tears and bit down on your lip, trying to look emotionless as possible, trembling more than you ever had in your life. It was _burning_ \- a surge of fearful heat (what she was feeling) erupting through you, and you'd gasped weakly and wanted to pass out, as you could almost _feel_ a hand wrapping around the wound, digging fingers in a shoddy attempt to cover the blood, the blood - gushing out of you, wanting to unify, wanting- 

You'd pulled your shirt up to see the stab wound, carved into you. It'd fade, with time, unlike your soulmate who was most likely writhing with pain. It was enough to incapacitate you, especially a few hours later at 3 AM when you'd felt yourself be backhanded, felt the burn of anger behind your tongue (you felt what she was feeling), doing anything to hide the loneliness and fear of... discovery, maybe. You didn't know what there was to be afraid of.

You'd never felt anything else until the game began.

* * *

Going through the game was more thrilling than anything you'd ever experienced, and you'd wondered if this was what your bro apparently was "training" you for. You honestly hoped so, because seeing his corpse had reminded you of how dark this truly was. It'd shattered you, for a brief moment. It'd been hard to keep yourself together as you'd moved onward.

What caught more of your attention than anything else, however, were the twelve trolls that were keen on messaging you. You'd spoken to them all before, briefly when you were younger, but you'd never been particularly attached to them. In fact, you'd hated them, so it was all a new development to see them from a different lense like that. They'd played the game, just like you, and all made it out alive.

The concept of not losing John, Jade and Rose filled you with something like hope. _Something_ like that.

But... something else had shifted in you when the gray text dude (Karkat, you remembered, something you didn't care about enough with the others, but he was different in a way) had finally spoken to you, screeching in all-caps invective in Pesterchum, and you'd read every single word of it and responded with just as much malice. 

Apparently these trolls had soulmates too, but the term they used for it was "soul-bonded," someone you could enter any quadrant with, but someone attached to you nonetheless. They were only soul-bonded with one, which since they could have like four partners at once, confused you. It all confused you.

When Rose had admitted to being the jade text one's soulmate to you one day over Pesterchum, you hadn't been surprised. She said the way she'd assumed and figured it out was exactly like the mark on your wrist. John and Jade's marks had faded due to their assumed soulmates to be dead, but by the looks of it they didn't care. They moved on with their lives.

Your mark never faded.

You couldn't see yourself being bonded to any of the girls out of those weird aliens, and you _really_ didn't know how they worked. It's not like you wanted to - and being soulbound to a boy was completely unspeakable and unheard of. Impossible, even. There'd never been any confirmed cases of that. 

You'd wondered if it was Terezi, because you'd had a brief fling with her, as much as it riled Karkat up for a moment. But honestly, that'd easily been waved off as you'd realized it didn't add up because she was bounded to Vriska, and you'd moved on, and you'd godtiered and appeared on the other side not long later.

The meteor. With Rose, Kanaya, Vriska, Terezi, Sollux, Aradia, a juggalo you'd never feel compelled to speak to, and finally one nubby-horned Karkat Vantas, who'd taken one good look at you and turned and walked away, after his little bucket breakdown.

You'd watched and said nothing, keeping your aura of cool, and turned and done your own thing. You also had the mayor as company - aka the light of your life, a dude you very much liked. You'd make music with him and Terezi, hang out with Rose and Kanaya (which were so fucking gay for each other it was funny), and while Vriska was an oddity, she was fine. Sollux and Aradia were apparently in a pale relationship, and the two were off doing whatever the hell they wanted. All soul-bound in that diamonds shit you didn't care about.

Karkat came around the main corridors of the meteor very briefly. Maybe twice a week, for the first few months. According to Rose, he'd been out mostly hanging out with Gamzee, the clown dude who you only knew as a violent murderous psychopath that'd killed two (three?) people. Apparently they were also moirails, but not soul-bound like the other two pale pairs were.

You'd shrugged it off. The dude was oddly silent, and you didn't feel like bothering him, as boring as it is when he wasn't around. One part of you was insanely curious about what the two were doing, but you didn't give a shit about the weird diamond thing they had going on, and you didn't feel like harassing them about it.

Well.

For the first four months.

* * *

The first week into month five, you'd been chilling with Rose in the main corridor, sitting on the couch, on your laptop and talking to Aradia over Pesterchum. She was apparently doing some weird god-tier shit that you were curious about, not like you'd ever say it. She was a time player like you, so you found it interesting. Being in Rose's presence, even if you weren't actively talking to her, felt nice since you were so extroverted.

Then it'd come. A sudden strike into your gut, and you'd gasped sharply and scrambled up, slamming your laptop shut so loudly that Rose's head turned to you so quickly as you gasped for air. That hit waaaay too hard to be an accident. It was a controlled strike, meant to hurt. You didn't pull your shirt up, because that'd be weird with your ectosis there.

"Dave," Rose said, eerily calm, "What happened? Are you alright?"

You looked at her, and you were so happy she couldn't see your eyes. You grit your teeth and found your composure, shoulders trembling as you let out a loooong sigh. "Fuck."

"Hm?"

You stared at her, not that she'd notice. It throbbed underneath your skin, stealing your breath away. Your soulmate would be feeling it with so much more intensity, but still, she was alive, and you didn't even know how that was possible.

"My-" It took all of your strength to get yourself together. "It's- my soulmate. She's still alive, and- she just got hit. Like- hard. _Fuck."_

Rose blinked at you like you were crazy. "That's... not possible. All of Earth is dead, and the only girls here already have soulmates..." she drifted off, furrowing her eyebrows. "That might mean someone is alive out there. I didn't know humanity would be salvaged after all the meteor attacks. I didn't even know it was _possible."_

Your lower lip trembles, and it takes all of your strength not to cry. _Boys don't cry. Striders don't cry._ It fucking sucks, because it shouldn't hurt this much, this long. "Fuckin' hit hard. Jesus Christ, it still hurts."

"Hm. I hope she's okay," Rose said offhandedly, and then before she could turn back to her book, her head suddenly snapped to you _again,_ and two seconds later you figured out why.

Pain. So much pain that it wasn't supposed to be that painful - it was worse than anything you'd ever felt with bro, even if it was dulled by your connection. A hand wrapped around your throat - squeezing, and you felt the sudden shock of primal fear rush through you- something you'd only felt once before when she'd been stabbed, as nails dug into your throat and drew blood. The marks were there, but the streak and gushing of blood were not. 

"Oh," Rose mumbled, "Oh my."

"Fuck!" You snapped as you felt your soulmate be grabbed roughly, dragged upwards from where she must've been laid down, and suddenly a sharp pain in the back of your head that you almost screamed at. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, something's actively hurting her, _Rose-"_

"I'll get Kanaya," Rose agreed, "I might have something perfect for this. I'll be back in a moment, sit tight."

"Yeah." You're out of words, out of breath. It hurts so fucking much.

You can almost feel the sensation of claws digging into your thighs, trailing down your legs enough that it was stabbing, more controlled than all of the pain your bro had ever given you before. Beating someone up, kicking and elbowing, was nothing compared to this. You felt this as, whoever was hurting her, slammed her back against the wall again, wrenching her legs apart, and only briefly you felt something squirming and painful, pressing in, mercilessly and painfully taking what it wanted-

You couldn't have bitten back the vomit that time. You rushed to the nearest trashcan and puked all grossly into it, tears welling in your eyes from the force of it, and Rose found you there huddled over as you felt every sensation. Finally it dulled once you popped the pills in, but somewhere deep in your skin, you could still feel the prickle of fear and disgust, the way that she was actively being- being _raped_ -

Your soulmate was alive. You trace your fingers around the bloom of bruises on your wrist, feeling your other wrist prickle with pain that you were so lucky you couldn't feel. You steady your breathing, finding your composure, and walk back to your block of the meteor and try not to think about it.

...That's impossible. You thought about it until you finally crashed.

* * *

Karkat appeared the next day, which was good because you were going to fucking rip yourself apart if you didn't see a new face to reassure you. But when he finally walked to the main quarters, he froze visibly when he saw you, as if he was debating on what to do. You were going to say something stupid, but you stopped when you saw how he looked.

He looked more tired and disheveled than you'd ever seen him. He was wearing a long-sleeved turtleneck sweater, and his poofy, curly hair was a lot messier than you'd never seen it. When he saw you were the only one there, his nose curled in disgust, and holy shit, he looked fucking adorable like that, even if you were worried.

You didn't say that of course. You had dignity, and part of that dignity was the fact that you were not attracted to boys. That'd be like betraying your soulmate in basically every way. It'd be impossible.

Your breath hitched in your throat. It took all of your willpower not to say something extremely fucking stupid. As monotone as you could be, you forced out a quiet, "Heya, Karkles."

"Great," was all he said, sitting on the couch across from you. "Strider."

He greeted you so quietly and brokenly that it didn't feel like him. But he was looking at you with a hint of intensity, so you forced a tiny smile that didn't completely break composure, grateful that you got to see him again.

"You wake up on the side of the bed?" You forced out, "Wait, I heard y'all have that weird fuckin' coon or some shit, since Sollux wouldn't shut up about, you have this weird slime, so like, you wake up on the wrong side of the slime? Is that even an idiom to trolls?"

He blinks at you. "I know what you're fucking talking about, and I'm fine. I was just having a feelings jam with Gamzee." He picked at his sweater sleeve, refusing to look him in the eyes, and this was so not the Karkat you knew on Pesterchum. Maybe he was nicer than you thought. "I didn't fucking clean up, happy?"

"That's like, your murderclown cuddlebro, right?"

His eyes narrow and sharpen. He's looking at you like you're stupid. "Of fucking course! For once, Strider actually gets something right! Who would've thought, he actually knows what a moirail is!"

"I mean, 'rezi and Vriska are in that diamonds shit. Same with Aradia and Sol, I think." You shrug helplessly, trying not to show how tense you are. Talking to him feels wrong- something about this feels off and you don't understand why. 

He hums, and it feels so much more unusual than you want it to. His voice is laced with something broken and defeated, like he wants to say something to you, swallowing back fear and not giving himself the privilege to do so. "Surprised you know shit about quadrants. Last time I tried explaining it to you, you acted like a fucking nincompoop." 

"Yep," you agree, "That's the Strider charm."

"Don't say that."

You snort. "Too late."

He rolls his eyes at you, and stands up again, eyeing you like you're going to jump out and hurt him if you do anything wrong. You keep yourself grounded, not daring to move. He doesn't know you're staring- and you're grateful for the shades, for once. 

"Your charm fucking sucks," he spits, and walks the other way.

You're probably supposed to take that as a joke, or maybe just a shitty half-assed quip from someone trying to have their usual venom, but you don't. You just stare at him as he leaves, admiring his hips and ass, and wonder what you did wrong, and what's going on with him to make him act so... un-Karkat-like.

You hate yourself for being curious.

* * *

"Shit!"

The next attack comes less than two hours after your interaction with Karkat. Sollux had invited you to play a weird Alternian video game, and naturally you'd obliged. It was the weirdest thing you'd ever played before - so much unnecessary disemboweling for a fighting game, and you couldn't read the language.

About halfway into the second round, you'd felt claws grab your shoulder, and you could almost feel your soulmate being roughly grabbed and slammed down into something soft - it still hurt, with the intensity of it all. You'd coughed out the curse and collapsed as pain pierced _every_ part of you, seizing on the ground as you tried to find yourself again. Too late. 

You were already lost in the static.

"Human?" Sollux asked - he couldn't make initials of your name, so he'd found an affinity to just calling you that, oddly enough. "Hey. What the fuck is going on?"

You hear him turning off the game. The ringing in the ears is too much for you to acknowledge his words, drifting in and out of your mind, as you curl up and hiss softly to yourself. Sollux hovers over you, asking questions that fall on deaf ears. She's being hurt more- but this time, it's so much more rough, like she's being beat up with more control than your Bro could even hope to do. And so much more intensity than him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," is all you say, hissing and seething and trying to hold back cries of pain as you feel it prickle through your skin as your soulmate is fucking violated and you can only feel it happen, and you're so grateful it's duller, in a way.

Sollux slaps you- and it bursts you back into the land of the living. You bite back a whine and stare at him through your shades, chest heaving as the pain continues. You can see the goldblood's eyes softening behind his glasses as he composes himself, sitting down next to you.

"What the hell was that?" He asks, quietly.

"S-" you cough into your fist, not able to find your breath for a moment as you feel your wrists prickle, as you feel one hand trapping her wrists together and another on her throat. "Soulmate bullshit. Apparently- she's alive, and she's fucking... actively being hurt again."

"Oh," it comes out a lot more soft than you'd expected from the guy. "Do you know who it is?"

"Someone not here - not Jade, either," you manage. "All of the girls are bound, and Jade's mark faded after the Earth fucking died, so... someone's out there."

Sollux blinks, and you see his eyes spark, you see his expression contort into one of confusion. "Couldn't it be a boy? Why does gender warrant your-"

"Fuck!" You snap, accidentally interrupting him, as you feel a sharp slap on your face, and Sollux's eyes widen at the hand-shaped print that would definitely bruise your soulmate, but not you. "N-No, fucking hell, we only have soulmates in the opposite gender."

"Oh, just another dumb human thing," Sollux flicks your head, but he still helps you stand up, and you appreciate it. "Go back to your room and sleep it off."

You bite back the urge to thank him. You just nod shakily and walk away.

* * *

"Greetings, Strider!"

You turn, and realize very quickly that you're in a dreambubble. It looks like Alternia, but a brighter version of it, by the beach during the day- you didn't even know they could go outside during the day, which was odd.

Especially since Karkat's ancestor (dancestor?) is moving right towards you, and you really don't know what to say about it. The dude is unbelievably fucking annoying, and if you told him that you'd probably get rambled at for hours. You'd rather not.

...Even in the dreambubble, you can feel the dull pain of your soulmate being attacked, and it's starting to fade. Whatever happened is over, and it feels good to know that she's doing better- hopefully, at least.

You just stare at Kankri silently. He just starts _talking_.

"I apologize if I was interrupting your current activities, and I do not know if this name is triggering to you, but by any means have you seen my descendant? I would like to resume his lessons, and he has not been asleep much lately."

You shake your head at the guy. "You mean the awake one."

"Yes."

"He's probably awake," you reply coldly, "I don't really fucking talk to him much anyway. He's off loping around with his moirail or some shit." you shrug, "The clown guy, I think."

Kankri visibly tenses. "Makara?"

"Yeah. that dude."

Something in his face looks haunted, for a moment- you'd never really been able to talk to him without wanting to do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off your own roof, but now it's different, and you don't even notice as the dreambubble shifts to your old room. Kankri's staring at you almost thoughtfully, but you don't know if he's looking through you - with those dead, white eyes at least. You wonder if this is how everyone else feels about you.

"That is incredibly unfortunate," Kankri responds, and his voice sounds almost dead. Like he knows something you don't- but amped up by a harrowing confidence you'd never expected. "I am surprise he still is with him."

"...Why?" you can't help but ask. It feels bad invading Karkat's personal life in such a way. Briefly you feel a bite of something on your wrist, perhaps a knife, but the dreambubble dulls it so much that it's just a brief flash of pain beneath your skin. You wince anyway.

Kankri seems too disturbed to respond, and having him finally shut up says a thousand words. Something about their weird diamonds thing is probably off, you assume, but you can't understand what.

"Mr. Strider, are you aware?" Kankri suddenly asks, and you flinch.

"Whaddaya mean?"

"That Karkat is your s-"

You wake up.

And suddenly there's a searing, blinding pain in your crotch area, claws pricking your chest, and you lean forward and barely are able to rush to the bathroom and vomit up everything you'd eaten recently. 

You don't have the energy to fall back asleep.

* * *

Weekly becomes daily.

By daily, you mean the pain. You start taking those pain dullers that Rose had given you, and finally you feel bliss. Occasionally, a prickle beneath your skin, and a harrowing awareness that you know what's going on, but you do your best to put it out of your mind. Your soulmate is out there somewhere, and she doesn't care about you anyway.

So you keep walking forward, and you leave it behind yourself. It's out of your mind, and you've figured out how to ignore it. Time passes- time you want to change, but you'd sworn it off after fucking up so many times, so you don't. You wish you could go back and change all the dumb shit you did when the pain first came.

Two more months pass. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. The pain is always the same, a daily thing haunting you- and for a whole year, Karkat and Gamzee are scarce, equally a rare sight. In the last three months, Karkat disappears entirely. You miss talking to Karkat, something you'd never admit, and it puts you on edge - but you feel bad for seeking him out. He's probably just hanging out with his moirail.

But you get so bored from annoying the others that, about a year and a half into the trip, you find yourself wandering through the halls- to Karkat's corridor to actively seek him out for once. (Your soulmate- this has been going on for a year, and you wonder how she is.)

To think you never wanted to. As fun as he was, you had other things to do, other people to talk with. You'd been neglecting doing it for so long...

You're right outside of his room when you collide into Gamzee Makara.

All of your breath leaves you. You jump back, mind instantly reaching for the sword you always had prepared in your sylladex, and Gamzee looks down at you coldly. He's sober- you know that, and that concept fucking haunts you. He growls, something that sends a chill through you, and you involuntarily flinch.

"Oh, hey," you say, coolly. It's all so un-Striderly. 

But he doesn't seem as friendly. He takes a step back, and Jesus fucking Christ, the dude is _huge_. He growls again, and you lower yourself, which sucks to do, but he'd snap your neck like a piece of wood without even having to do much if you fought him. It'd be temporary due to your godtier, but still.

"What's your wicked business with _my_ Karbro?" Is the first thing he says to you other than honking in a year and a half, and you feel something seize in you. It all feels wrong. You want to be sick.

"Jeez," you say nonchalantly. "Cant a bro just chill with his best friend?" he's not that, and you fucking know it. You hardly talk to him - he's been gone for a year. "No biggie, just wanna check up on him. Haven't seen him in a while."

Gamzee's eyes narrow to slits. He growls. "Not your best friend," he agrees with your eternal thoughts. Then, very angrily, he says with full venom, "No."

You look confused, which sucks. "No?"

One clawed hand rests on your shoulder. If he pressed any harder, he could probably rip your shoulder clean off - he shoves you forward a bit, and you stumble and take a second to steady yourself. The clown continues to growl at you, eyes looking red in the shadows of his wild hair.

"Stay the motherfuck away from him!" Gamzee snaps, just a bit away from a roar. "Get the MOTHERFUCK out!"

"C'mon, man, can't I just talk to him?"

"NO." He repeats, a lot louder, and you find yourself backing away from him. Gamzee takes a step forward, predatory, and de-captchalogues his clubs, growling something low and fierce. Knowing your limits, you turn and leave.

* * *

Not even some weird freaky murderclown dude can smother your impending, ruthless curiosity, because you're back in an hour, when you check to see if it's clear to bother Karkat.

He's gone, this time, and when you press your ear against the door to hear... nothing. Just something akin to labored breathing, and the door is unlocked, so you find yourself pushing your way through it.

The room is shockingly clean. You'd always assumed Karkat was lazier than he actually was, and Gamzee even more so, but it looked like it'd never been used before. It looked shiny and clean and all of that bullshit. You take a step in, and gulp down fear at the scent of blood and vomit and sweat and _shame_.

You keep yourself together, instantly regretting this. But no, you're a Strider - when you start something, you never quit. Your bro had pounded that into you since you were four, and you were willing to uphold that. You disagreed with some of that stuff looking back on it, but that part of it made sense.

"Nubs?" You call out, softly. You're expecting him to jump out from around the corner and yell at you for intruding in his personal space without permission, anything to return back to normalcy for the brief time you spoke to him.

Instead, around the corner, you hear a very quiet, very broken and tattered cough.

_Shit. He's probably sick._

You purse your lips and float over, not really paying attention, and turn around the corner and feel your heart stop. All of your muscles seize. Your eyes widen behind your shades, and for once you feel dread that is actually _yours._

He's so slim you can hardly see him. He's on a bed - _they didn't sleep on beds, something was wrong_ \- and curled up in a tight, uncomfortable knot. The large, thick blanket was covering him up to his neck, his head hardly poking out. His hair was a lot bigger and fluffier from last time you'd seen him - he'd disappeared when your soulmate's pain intensified, you remember. Maybe he didn't want to deal with your pain bullshit.

"Karkat?" You ask, a lot quieter than before, and he hardly shifts. You watch as the tiny troll (so much smaller than before, how is that even possible?) cracks opens his eyes, and you notice a bit of bright candy red drifting over the gray of his irises. You notice a small bruise on his cheek, suspiciously close to something you'd felt as a light buzz about three days ago.

"...D...d've?" he slurs, and holy shit, he looks so breakable. So fragile that it hurts your chest. His face is flushed with fever, and he's breathing raggedly, gasping for breaths like he couldn't get any air. You feel your face crumple. All of a sudden you want to scream and cry. It fucking sucks.

"Hey..." you say, unable to keep that facade. You're tearing up. You can instantly tell something's wrong, and you rush over next to him. 

As soon as you move, you watch him flinch violently, head smacking against his pillow, and you briefly feel a light buzz in your skull. You don't care. You don't even realize why until later, when you kneel down at his bedside and lightly put your hand on his forehead.

At the physical contact, you hear a soft "n'...n-no, I d'nt want..." before he drifts off in a feverish state, eyes fluttering shut, and fuck. He's burning up, more than usual, and it hurts your hand to feel for. The turtleneck sweater he's wearing isn't helping things.

You pull down the blanket and ignore how scrawny he looks. The sweater he was wearing the last time you saw him fit him quite well, but now it looked too big on him. He'd must have been starving - and you remember with a grim certainty that you haven't seen him for a _year_. Has he even been eating? Doing anything he normally did?

You feel so fucking insensitive for not paying attention to him.

You grab his sweater, pulling it above his arms and praying that he's not as thin as you think he is, keeping your eyes closed. As soon as you take it off, you hear him whimper loudly and begin to shake, and when you open your eyes you do something even _stupider_ and burst into tears.

The first thing to take in is that he looks like he hasn't eaten at all in those 12 months. That's a given - he had to eat something to keep him alive, and you hoped Gamzee had at least been trying. But you'd never expected to see the second things.

The bruises. They're everywhere - littering from his neck down, and you expect there's more on his thighs and legs, but you don't want to see it. He's covered head-to-toe in scars that definitely hadn't been there before - faded marks covering his entire upper body, painting a sadistic picture that was something you could see Gamzee doing. In the middle is a diamond-like symbol that had been carved into his fucking chest, still actively bleeding as he gasped feverishly for air, heaving and crying as you put your hand on his shoulder. His shoulder is just as hurt.

Your soulmark burns.

And slowly, horror runs through you, and fat tears roll down your cheeks as you're suddenly struck with the realization that - this broken, destroyed boy who'd been beaten to a pulp hundreds of times, raped, and taken roughly on the daily is your soulmate. He's yours, and you've been ignoring him. You've left him in the hands of a monster for a year.

Fuck. _You're_ a monster.

His breath hitches with a sob, and bright pink tears rush down his face. He breathes weakly again, still burning with fever, and he's actively bleeding - it's a fucking miracle he's not dead. He should've been dead for months, but he's fought to keep alive. All as you fucked around with the others like an idiot.

You suddenly regret your whole trip. You look down at your wrist with sad eyes to see the diamond symbol made out of mottled bruises, something you'd felt horror about, signified this moment. This was destiny, for the world to fuck him over and hurt him. It'd carved out of the fact that you couldn't go back and change things. All because of preserving the timeline. You fucking hated destiny in that moment.

You hear something in the distance, and you know you don't have _time_.

Without really thinking, you scoop the small boy up, feeling that twinge everywhere as he's jostled, and hold him to your chest like a fucking baby. He's light in your arms, and he's trembling so violently that it's obvious he's honest to fuck terrified.

You feel so ill. Making sure he's in a spot where you're not going to drop him (you won't. you won't, you promise him silently as he cries against your chest, expecting you to hurt him, expecting you to do what Gamzee did) you turn around the corner, use your shoulder to open the door again, and break into a fucking sprint. 

You abscond.

* * *

_I've been so stupid_ is the only thing you can think as you enter the main room, kicking the door open almost instantly, not able to ignore the way Karkat clings to you like a lifeline. It's instinct because he doesn't recognize you and you know it - would Gamzee hurt him if Karkat recoiled? What happened in that year, when you had just fucked around?

You are so, so lucky that everyone's there (except Gamzee) when you open the door. 

There's a moment of pure silence. The others seem to be processing it, and you can see how Terezi's confusion turns into shock, and how Kanaya looks like she'd just been hit with a taser, and Rose's confused fear, and the way Sollux crackles with electricity.

They notice the panic in your expression, the way you heave, the obvious tears streaking your face, and even with your shades they read you. They know- they know and finally, finally Karkat's safe.

And the room fucking explodes. Literally.

Sollux's psionics crackle so loudly it's audible. He grits his teeth, he growls angrily enough to make you flinch, and the energy is building up around him. Aradia pats his cheek, Vriska and Terezi are both crying out, voices blurring together with fear and concern, and Kanaya is full on sobbing in an instant.

Rose lurches forward, and she definitely knows what she's doing- she knows how to help him, but your instinct to protect your soulmate kicks in and you hold him back with a growl, stepping backwards.

"Dave," she tries, softly, and you hate yourself for being terrified. "What happened?"

"G..." you sob, and you hate it. You hate being vulnerable, but you have to be. "G-Gamzee. Gamzee did this, he- he's been doing it for a year, Karkat's been-" you can hardly keep yourself together. This hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

Rose furrows her eyebrows. "How do you know?"

Still holding Karkat, very shakily you hold out your left wrist.

Rose's hands seal over her mouth. "Oh... Gamzee... he-"

It clicks with everyone else, and something flies past your head- Sollux is probably acting out in his anger, understandably, but in that moment you have tunnel vision. Your grip tightens on Karkat, and you control yourself so you don't cry more as he mumbles something low and terrified under his breath. It's all too loud around you for you to understand what he's saying. Part of you doesn't want to know.

Rose puts one comforting hand on your shoulder, and her eyes soften. "I know, Dave. I know. I understand you need to protect your soulmate, but if we let him bleed any longer he's going to die." You barely manage a nod and she sighs in relief, moving her hand away and turning, and you can hardly hear her bark orders, even if she's so loud about it.

Less than ten minutes later, you're still clinging to Karkat on the couch as he silently cries. Aradia's out trying to alchemize painkillers, Rose is preparing food for him, Sollux is sitting not far from you and eyeing the whole situation with a look of pure rage that's not directed towards you, and Vriska and Terezi are out clownhunting.

There's only one problem, and that problem is that Kanaya is desperately trying to apply healing ointment to Karkat's carved chest. She puts one hand on his chest, and he flinches so violently that he bangs his head back into your chest, right below your godtier symbol, mumbling with his eyes closed and shaking like a leaf.

"Karkat..." you mumble. Instinctively, the voice of your soulmate is supposed to calm you down, and the troll stops moving for one moment, cracking his eyes open to look at you with pure confusion. Like he's never seen you before. Your heart shatters all over again. You brush some hair out of his face and for a moment he leans into the warmth of your touch.

Then Kanaya's cold, cold hands meet his chest again, and he cries out once again.

"...n-n'..." he whimpers. Kanaya tears up all over again. You have enough composure not to burst into tears again this time. You're a Strider. _You don't cry. Boys don't cry. Striders don't cry._ "n-no--- G'mz... p-plea..."

"It's okay," your voice wavers, and it feels fucking horrible. "We're taking care of it. Gamzee's gone."

He can hardly keep his eyes open at this point. For a moment, his head lolls to the side, and he looks Sollux in the eyes before he stills, leaning into your warm, warm touch. He has a fever - how is he finding it comforting?

But he doesn't believe you. "...n... 's a dream..."

Kanaya rubs the healing ointment over Karkat's chest, and he flinches again, but he's definitely falling asleep at this point, and there's been no announcement of any nearby dreambubbles. It's okay- he'll hopefully has a dreamless sleep, you hope, as Kanaya finally wraps his major wounds. There was nothing any of you could do about the bruises- those would fade with time, you hope.

"Thank you," you find yourself mumbling, and Kanaya's eyes are still shimmering with tears that hurt to see. You feel so fucking horrible you didn't know. 

"He is your soulmate?" She asks, after a moment of silence, and you hesitantly nod, unsure of how to follow that.

"Yeah, I- I didn't know," you reply shakily. "I thought my soulmate was a girl, somewhere out there. It was so obvious and I didn't fucking know, and I could've stopped it..." you move Karkat so he faces you again, and you cradle him in your arms, not sure if you should do anything stupid. Not without his consent. "...now here we are."

Kanaya's lip trembles. "It is not your fault."

"I know," you lie. You're gonna feel bad about this _forever_. "I- I don't know how he's going to bounce back after this. Knowing what happened, it's..." you sigh. "...it's really bad, Kanaya."

Sollux's eyes crackle again. You see him do his best to keep himself composed, it makes you feel even fucking angrier about what Gamzee did.

"If it is not too much," Kanaya asks, "What did he do?"

You sigh. "I felt it all- one of the first things that happened was..." you don't know if you can do this, but she asked. "...Gamzee, he... he beat him up, and he pinned him against the bed, and he..." you just move your hands so they wrap around Karkat's shoulders- not tight enough to wake him up.

You watch Sollux grab a pillow and scream into it. Kanaya starts crying again. You pull Karkat closer in. Being so intimate with him feels so wrong, but your soulmate instincts are screaming at you to protect him. So naturally, you do.

"He's been doing it to Karkat for a year, Kanaya... I knew, and I didn't think it was him, and I was so fucking _stupid..._ "

She shushes you, and you wonder if that's a pale thing. You don't want to think about pale romance anymore, especially as your soulmark throbs on your wrist. You do your best to ignore it and keep yourself calm.

"Let us not think for it now," Kanaya reassured, "Let us only think about Karkat. He was the one who was hurt. Stay with your soulmate, Dave."

"Yeah..." you mumble. "I will."

She smiles tearfully. "I am going to go see if Vriska and Terezi caught Gamzee." She stands up, and you watch her wave quietly, and turn to leave. You let her. 

Kanaya walks out the room, and you're just left there with Sollux. He's the only other one awake, at least. You remember when he suffered through one of your first breakdowns after Karkat got hurt, and by the look on his face, he was thinking of the same thing. Sollux and Karkat had been close friends - both had said it to you before, and it was obvious.

It probably fucking hurt for Sollux to think about him. You just sighed.

"I'm sorry," you mutter. Sollux turns to look at you, and his eyes are still crackling with electricity. He was a bit grumpy, but you'd never seen him this purely angry before. He probably would've been off clownhunting if he didn't feel compelled to be there for Karkat if he woke up.

"You didn't do shit..." Sollux replies, trailing off and going silent again. "It's okay now. I'll- fucking-" he growls, low and primal, and you wonder if it's a troll thing. They're weirdly animalistic. "I'll fucking KILL Gamzee. I'll rip him apart, I'll fucking- non-romantically fucking murder him-"

"Yeah," You reply. "I will too."

Both of you stop talking in an unspoken pact to let Karkat sleep. The only thing filling the silence is the nubby-horned troll's labored but relatively calm breathing. You find yourself running fingers through his hair, not surprised by how messy and curly it is. When was the last time he'd been able to take care of it? When was the last time he'd been able to take care of himself at all?

After seven minutes of silence, finally you fall asleep. Dreamless.

* * *

You wake up three hours later when Karkat stirs.

The room is empty. Karkat blinks open his gray-red eyes and stares up at you, and you watch his eyes widen in recognition. He looks so soft and confused that you run your fingers through his hair again, and he tenses like he's expecting to be hit. Then he looks angry for flinching.

And. "...Dave?"

You can't stop yourself from forcing a straight face. "Yep. That's me, dude. Good to see you awake again."

"...Am I dead?"

You want to cry again. You just shake your head. "Nope. You're alive, same with me. I'm sure you're fine with the Grade A Strider Cuddles, right?"

Karkat blinks again. He doesn't look like he believes you, so he dodges the last question and just mumbles. "N-No- I'm... I'm dead, I have to be- am I dreaming? Am I gonna wake up with Ga-" he coughs, and you watch him start crying as he thinks about it, as he remembers what happens, and he stains your shirt with tears and you don't even fucking care.

You put one hand on his cheek, and direct his face to meet yours again. Finally, you allow yourself to smile, and you use your other hand very hesitantly to take off your shades. Karkat's eyes widen as he looks into your scarlet ones, and you lock eyes for a very long moment as he processes the fact that he's alive, that he's not going to wake up with Gamzee, that he's safe.

"I'm alive..." he whispers, and he sobs loosely and wraps his arms around your chest, digs his face into your shirt once again. You don't have the energy to put your shades back on. "I'm alive... I'm alive... I-I..." he sobs. " _Dave... Dave... Daaaaave..."_

His voice cracks. He repeats your name like a mantra, probably drowning in his own euphoria. You can only hug him as he collects himself, sobbing loosely into your chest for a good few minutes, when in between sobs he finally whimpers, "H-How did you know? T-That it was happening?"

"Curiosity," you admit. "It was so boring without you around, Karkles. Seeked you out, and..." how do you drop this on him? "I... everything clicked into place. You know that like..." Fuck. Okay. This is gonna suck.

He looks up at you, sniffling and crying. You don't know what to say, breath feeling like it was punched out of you as you look at those intensely emotional eyes. They're big and shimmering with tears, so much like yours. Both red.

You take one hand, and you do the only thing you know how. You put his hand on your left wrist, and you watch Karkat's eyes change. As he traces the bruises, forming that familiar diamond, and he looks up at you with something that just looks like fear and regret. "You... you're my..."

Silently, you nod. "I get it. If you don't want to accept it."

Karkat shakes his head. Still shaking, he grabs your hand too, and you feel yourself go rigid as he places it on his right wrist, and you look down to trace it. It's carved out of bruises, just like yours, and you realize with a bright certainty. It's a heart.

You look at Karkat, and he sniffles and smiles.

You smile back.


End file.
